total system collapse

Uh oh......

When I was 16 I had Glandular Fever.  Glandular fever is a bit like cystitis, or 'nam, if you havent experienced it yourself you have no idea of the full horror of it, you cant concieve of the misery it brings.

Now, technically, you can only have GF once, BUT once you have had it, your immune system is never the same again, and you can have "relapses".  When I get overtired or run down I begin to get these horrible familiar feelings - weakness, fatigue, low mood, light headedness etc.  it is a bit like when you get a certain feeling just before your muscle cramps, or before you fall off something, that hideous split second when you are suddenly aware of what is just about to happen - the "no man's land" after the pont of no return, but before the onset of the horror. 
So I got the feelings, and I knew I had pushed myself too far energy-wise.  I have had this virus for nearly 2 weeks now but hadnt slowed down my work or fun at all.....stupid girl.  So I fell off the edge of health.  For me, the WORST thing about this, the thing that I dread more than anything else, is the coldsore that I get when this happens to me.  I dont get it on my mouth, that would just be mundane, no I get it in (and crawling out of) my nose, which not only makes me look like an alien is eating my face, it HURTS, it throbs constantly, I am acutley aware of it at al times and I hate it.  The other thing is that it is accompanied by a runny nose and you can imagine the logistical (painful) implications of this.

Anyway, thats where I'm at. 

yesterday was nice at first, it was "childrens day" a national holiday, and there was also a visit from the chinese president, so the centre of the city was crazymad.  I went to a river south of the city for the afternoon, which was very nice

This little group are lovely, we played scrabble and cards, and had a nice picnic.  However, after a couple of hours I was getting restless, and needed the loo, so headed over to the pub nearby where some others I knew were.  It was nice to see a couple of them, but some members of the group was not my cup of tea.

There is something about some people who work in development, or in english teaching abroad, which I find  makes me uncomfortable......one type, is the "save the world" type, earnestly earnest, which is fine, and admirable, but sometimes there is a tinge of desparation about it....

the other type is the "rah rah rah i waaark in development aaarnt i graaaate yaaaaaah" posh SOAS grad with a name like Artemis or Sebastian who are freakishly intelligent but also a pain in the arse.  Then there are the "oh so outgoing" ones, the "I'm mad me" bunch, who are so pleased with themselves for working in a foreign country, you can almost see their minds ticking away with the conversations they are going to have when they get back to their own home "yeah, when i was in Mongolia I - whats that, wht was I doing there?  Oh I was just teaching disadvantaged kids how to read - nothing special, you know, blah blah blah"

Anyway, this is a bit of a bitchy rant, most of the people I have met along the way are great, and fun and nice and laid back, and I have made some lovely friends that I really enjoy hanging out with and who look after me and make me laugh.  Some people are just a bit "meh", and some have given me a bad vibe, and lets just say there were elements of yesterdays afternoon group who gave me the heebie jeebies.

Oh, and what kind of development worker am I?  I am the type that is just a free wheeing hippie, that couldnt get a job anywhere else so thought it seemed like a good idea at the time.....I also owed money so leaving the country was a good option, ha ha.

ps and I am on youtube, voicebox, health episode.  Dont laugh.